We All Go A Little Crazy Sometimes

Went out on day 58, never again will I drink that much. I think it was my pre-St. Patrick’s Day party, but I was the only one who knew about the festivity. I did shot after shot, and 2-for-1’s not my best plan. I had a great time and do not regret anything I did. I did get so tore up that I had to leave my car in Cedar Rapids on Friday night, I haven’t been that drunk in a very long time, and it felt good to let go and have fun. As the bar closed, I kept punching my friends yelling for Cheetos. We stopped at the gas station and as my friend went in, some drunk fool (not me, someone new) tried to climb into the passenger seat with me. Like actually sitting on my lap and trying to fasten the seat belt. I should have grabbed him and started yelling “I CAUGHT ME A MAN!!!” In a fit of panic I freaked out and was all “OMG WHAT R U DOING???” He left after that, and so did we, hilarious. We got back to my friends house and we both opened the car doors at the same time and a bunch of his papers flew out of the car, I ran after them and my pants fell down. Picture it, me in the parking lot of an apartment building, chasing receipts with my pants down around my ankles. I was a mess, and I ate horrible that following Sunday, day 60 and Tuesday, day 62.

Let me tell you I was expecting horrible numbers on the scale. I expected to gain at least 2 pounds. Why did I expect such a large gain on day 63…let me just say I ate out at 3 different restaurants the day before. I know Tues was a bad day for me, but I don’t regret it because it was good and it satisfied my cravings. Well, until Friday morning, day 65 I was running late to work and decided to get BK Lounge for breakfast. Which is stoopid because I keep cereal and milk at work for my b-fasts. This fast food is killing me, I could feel it messing up my system, but it tastes good. I haven’t ate out since Friday morning, but I could sure tell that I was stress eating.

Then, I went insane on Thurs and picked a fight with a good friend, for no other reason than I went crazy. I deleted her from my life, she wrote me an e-mail, and brought me back to reality. I apologized, and hope everything is ok. I’m sure if we lived closer she would have bitch slapped me a la Joan Collins. Only because I needed it mind you, but it would have been all very Dynasty. Drama where ever I go, I’m starting to realize that I seem to create most of it. So, to deal with all that I eat, because I wanted to, or subconsciously I wanted to pick a fight so I could rationalize in my mind that it was ok to stress eat. I made some bad choices this past weekend, and it is entirely possible that the scale will show it. Though I didn’t use nearly as many points as I did the previous weekend because I didn’t drink.

I have been working out, well walking. I walked last wed, thurs, and fri, and this mon. I didn’t walk yesterday because I forgot my id, and they would not let me in. I like to work out on a dreadmill, I mean treadmill, because I can control the speed and the incline. I used to hate working out, I would make jokes that I would rather be water boarded than work out, but now I kind of like it, I use up some of the pent up energy that I have. I do have a horrible story about working out…well horribly funny. Monday I jumped on treadmill 3 and started going. As a bigger guy I noticed right away that the belt was slipping, so I jumped off and moved to number 2. Well this girl showed up and got on number 3 and started going. I was under the assumption that the belt was slipping because I was larger and my weight was making it stick. LOL NOPE. She started going, and it slipped, and bit it. She fell on her ass and slid right off, she was looking at me like I was supposed to not laugh and help her up. Well, let me tell you that if I would have gotten off that treadmill I would not have gotten back on. Its hard for big girl to slow down once we get momentum. Am I right ladies?

So what was the result last week, the scales tipped that’s for sure. They tipped in my favor. I lost 1.4 pounds, bringing my total weight lost to 31.6 pounds. I was astonished, how could I have drank so much and eaten out that much with no repercussions. It dawned on me that the scales may catch up to me this week which is unfortunate, I really do not want to gain, but if I do I know that I ate out, stress ate and drank like a fish, and I cannot do those things if I want to be able to walk out of my pants.

Day 54 take 2: Out with the supplements.

I don’t know what I was thinking, all of a sudden I remembered an episode of Family Ties or some 80 sitcom where one of the characters kept eating Flintstone’s Chewable Vitamins to get healthy and they ate so much their hair started to fall out. So I decided…I don’t know why to look up harmful side effects of Zinc and Vitamin C, I was shocked.

Zinc. I read that taking too much zinc can actually weaken the immune system, interfere with absorption of other minerals and lower HDL. In large doses, it can interfere with white blood cells and other defense systems that fight against infections and cancers. Umm, I threw that schitt out. I don’t need those problems I get plenty of reg zinc in the foods I eat, and in the daily men’s multivitamin

Vitamin C. Was just a crazy, I read this about my poor Vit C. Although too much vitamin C from your diet is unlikely to harm you, megadoses of vitamin C supplements can cause nausea, diarrhea, kidney stones and inflammation of the stomach lining (gastritis). I threw that out too, I know from other people's experience that kidney stones are painful. They were expired anyway. LOL.

Im afraid to look up any more.

Day 54: Work it out.

Back to cereal for breakfast, and soup for lunch, I can already feel the hunger pangs for lunch and I think that people are cooking food already at 10:40 I smell egg rolls…are you kidding me right now. Ridiculous. I have decided that I need to start working out. I have lost almost 30 pounds on diet alone and I feel that I am hitting a plateau with my weight loss. I need to start exercising. Everyone who knows me knows, I would rather lick the passenger seat in my car than work out but I think that is in time to start moving. I can’t stay this flabby mess of fat forever. I talked to a co-worker today and asked if I could go walking with her at lunch and she said yes, she would love to have me go. Great, I thought, I brought my shoes and am ready to go when you are. I have an absolute fear of working out, I afraid that I’m too big, that I am so out of shape I will keel over and die, that I will fall and break a hip, LOL. You laugh, be these are my serious concerns; I need to start working out because these are serious concerns. I am 31 years old and I should not be worrying about breaking a hip it’s dumb.

Day 49 and 50: A Celebration.

Day 49 hit and I decided that I was going to eat what I wanted for supper, I made a fierce mushroom omelet and didn’t worry about counting points. Don’t worry, it turned out to be only about a 26 point supper which is what I normally have. I had weighed in and still lost. I lost .8 pounds, not much but I still lost, that may catch up to me on weigh in day Day 56, we will have to wait and see, but I cant let that get me down there will always be setback and roadblocks to my goals. Day 49 was a good day for another reason; I paid off another charge card, whoo hoo. I decided that I was going to eat out for breakfast the following morning. Not the best decision I have made, I had one slice of breakfast pizza and one cup serving of cheesy hash browns, that cost me 20 points, OMG 20 points, I almost had a fit, lol. But I ate light the rest of the day and it balanced out. I learned that I should not go overboard but if I do it is completely manageable with a little self control. On my journey, I have a lot of celebrations to come…I hope, and I have to find a way to celebrate without food or drink. Which I think will be harder than losing weight at times.

Days 44-46, A “Weak” in Review

I haven’t blogged in a few days so I probably should to before I forget what’s going on and what I’ve been struggling with. I’m currently on day 50, it’s Thursday March 4, and I can physically feel my willpower and motivation waning, kicking me in the nuts and headed out. I don’t know for 100% percent certainty what it is, but I have a clue. Bread, alcohol, and cheese are at least partially to blame I think, the rest, lies solely on me and my poor choices. On night 44 I decided I was not spending another night at home playing Farmville or café world, I just couldn’t, because honestly how am I ever going to meet someone at home online who isn’t a creeper. I decided to go out. I got ready and left, I didn’t know where I was going until I was on the interstate headed towards Iowa City. I had decided to go out. I made ended up in Cedar Rapids and thought I could have a couple drinks, I only had 2 drinks and 3 shots, not to bad I still had my will power and motivation. I had not eaten out. Flash forward to Saturday day 45, I my good friend made me lunch…cause I slept through breakfast and I are out for supper, dun dun dun. I know right, but I made good choices; I had Subway no cheese no mayo only ham, veggies, and honey mustard on the wheat. I had baked chips not the bad ones, I think I did pretty well. Until I got to the bar, I hadn’t let loose in so long or had any kind of fun I think I probably had 5 drinks and 10-14 shots. I don’t feel bad about it because I had fun and I needed it. Though, I need to learn how to balance losing weight, living healthy, and being able to socialize with friends without going overboard. I did have a few to many which led to the lasagna incident on Sunday morning where I had 3 servings of homemade lasagna. It was GOOOOD. I don’t feel bad or guilty about it, nor do I regret the poor choices I made because tomorrow is a new muther fuckin day and each new day comes with new choices. By no means is this an end to my new lifestyle, I have a long hard road to go, I cannot let a span of 12 hours that just happened to cross 2 days ruin my outlook or my goals. I have learned from this experience that I cannot be perfect all of the time with food and drink, and that only makes me human.

D is for Dick

I have a saying that I picked up from Oprah, a few year ago, it goes something like this, “if you are still mad about it in 6 months then it is worth being mad about” well, here I am 8 months later and I’m still mad. I’m sure you know who I’m talking about, you are a dick, and a douche bag. I am annoyed to no end with your douchebaggery and dumbassity, and as such I have not talked to you in months or seen your wife, my friend since Halloween. Why you ask, well trick, let me tell you. You let your mouth over run your asshole while thinking you are being edgy. Well, I say enjoy being edgy when you are all alone with your speed bumps bitch. What are the reasons I have to never talk to this mofo again there are many, but 2009’s reasons stem from Capital City Pride 2009. Here is the scenario; he worked Pride to say he worked at Pride, he doesn’t give 2 schitts about the gay community. He was there so he could use it as a quaint anecdote at all of the parties he isn’t invited to or while talking to the friends he doesn’t have. If he is not belittling someone then he’s not having fun so no one else is having fun either, he goes out of his way to ruin a good time. He called me a user (I don’t even know what that means). And he tried to back into my new car and giggled about it like little school bitch…I say fuck you, and your wife can give me a call when she files for divorce…suck it, assface!

Much Love Whore,
Still Bitter

A Costco Cake Extraviganza…Day 29 Recap

I have to write about this because it is still in my mind, and I would like to get my thoughts down before I forget.

Way back on day 29, so 2 weeks ago, lol. I had a co-worker come into my office and ask me the following question, “Hey Jim, I’m going to Costco on my lunch and buying a cake any recommendations?” Really are you effing kidding me right now, I am on day 29 and I think that I’m doing ok so far and then I am thrown one of the biggest road blocks EVER a Costco cake. I don’t know if you have ever had a Costco cake, but let me tell you that it is truly a delight, I would smack my momma with my grandma for some Costco cake. A treat worth having, and I wanted to have it all. ALL OF IT!!! But I refrain and say, “I’m sorry but I can’t have any because I’m trying to eat healthy and the 11 bags of sugar and 4 pounds of butter in the cake is not healthy.” That was the last I had heard of it for about 15 minutes, another co-worker then proceeded to tease me about the damn delicious cake for the next 3 hours, “Hey Jim that cake will be real good, you should have some,” and the like. I was fine dealing with that because the cake hadn’t arrived yet. Like I said I was fine, until my co-worker got back with the cake, and brought it into my office for me to smell…let me repeat that for you, BROUGHT IT INTO MY OFFICE FOR ME TO SMELL…ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??? It literally took all of my will power to say no thank you not once, twice, or thrice…I was asked 17 times by 7 different people in the office in 4 hours if I was going to have cake. Needless to say I made it through the day without eating any of the 9 pound cake of death. I think I only needed to say no once for it to sink in that I was really serious about losing weight this time…well in this case I said no 17 times, but you get the idea.

Apparently I’m Not Alone…Day 43

Here I am on day 43 I have decided to make an effort to blog every day about some thing that has to do with my weight loss, because I have a long term goal in mind. I weighed in last night and lost again, my current total is over 28 pounds that is over .6 pounds a day lost and over 112 sticks of butter. I wish I would have taken my measurements when I started, I am down from a 5x t-shirt to a 4x comfortably, and I can literally walk out of my pants which I think is hilarious. Anyways I am over 28 pounds closer to my goal of…I’m not sure what my goal is, I haven’t thought about it, I will think about that once I lose 10% of my total weight.

I think I want to talk about how I feel about my over exposure to the fast food industry, and how I absolutely hate it. I want to share that when I first started going back to weight watchers, I counted the number of places that I could stop and get something bad to eat, I included, any restaurants, gas stations, grocery stores, and bars. I pass 42 places in my 10 mile drive to work. Well, 41 now because the BK on University by the main post office is closed and for sale. It is truly unfortunate that we make this horribly delicious and addicting food so readily available. It’s even more unfortunate that I know where all of these places are and when one has gone out of business. I’m sitting at my office typing this and eating cheerios thinking about how a breakfast sandwich would be way better than what I’m having now. Does it ever go away? Does it ever stop? Is it just me? NO, NO, and NO, because I was raised a fast food junkie, to look for an easy out, and that it’s ok to be lazy or worry about being healthy as long as it’s convenient. I think I like the phrase fast food junkie, cause I could use a dbl cheese hit. I used to joke that I was a dollar menuaire and that I used to take 700 calorie bites, but it doesn’t seem as funny anymore. I constantly want to eat fast food, its easy, fast, and tastes good. I have persevered, I say good morning day 43, and I have not eaten out once. I have also tried to eliminate the media which so blatantly and with out regard to my well being attacks me on a regular basis on average every 7-10 minutes by the newest burger at whatever fast food place. That’s right, I stopped watching TV, I am down to less than 1 hour a week if that. On my drives to and fro, I can’t listen to any radio station with out hearing a public service announcement from Ronny or the King. I’ve even run a few red lights (nothing new, right) because I don’t want to stop at a corner with a fast food place to smell it, it’s so inviting. You know what I’m talking about, right? One of Jimmy John’s signs in the window say “Smells Are Free,” that’s true, but not when they cost you a piece of your soul. So, I have to say apparently I’m not alone” I have several facebook friends fighting the same battle as me, I have won several battles, but I’m afraid that this war will never end.

Leave Me Alone…I’m Starving!!

I decided to go on a diet again, I was tired of feeling gross and greasy, I was eating out 4-7 times a week, maybe more. I would stop at places like Burger King, McDonalds, and Wendys and pick up a couple 700 calorie bites and then go home and have another supper. It was getting bad my knees hurt, my back hurt, I was not sleeping well, I was in constant pain. I had joined Weight Watchers back in Feb of 2009 and yo-yoed all over the place. With the amount of horrible fatty food I cooked and ate from Thanksgiving through the 2nd week of Jan, I came close to putting back on all the weight I lost in the prior year of dieting. I was mortified, I was at a loss, I didn’t think that I would ever lose weight, and I started to accept that I would just be big my entire life. Then something dawned on me, I hadn’t quit. I was still paying Weight Watchers and still attending meetings when weather would allow. I then remembered what one of the leaders said one day in a meeting, “I was resolved not to quit this time, I had started and stopped so many times, I just decided to keep going until I was ready to lose weight.” I thought that maybe I was resolved not to quit. We received a new leader and her positivity and encouragement really meant something to me, she didn’t know me, she didn’t have to listen to my problems and struggles, but she did. I could not wrap my head around why she cared about me, but she did. She had gone so far as giving me her e-mail address and business card. No other leader my 10 year “on again off again love hate” relationship with Weight Watchers has anyone ever put themselves out there like that for me. I think this struck a cord within me, though I have not used it yet. I found I had a new motivation and willpower to lose weight. I have not eaten out or even had a slice of bread in 41 days, and in those 41 days I have lost over 25 pounds. That is over ½ a pound a day over 100 sticks of butter, I have shed. I am still a work in progress, and learning why I am the way I am. I have a few leads starting with the people I live with, but this I feel is a good change, and a great start to my long term goals. I have learned that this is no longer a diet but a healthy way of life. I still crave fast food, and I think I always will, but I have the power to just keep driving by and hopefully I continue to do so to make it to day 42.

Got Shingles?

This is from summer 2009 I forgot to post it

I’ve had a shitty Monday already, the parents bought shingles for the roof on sun and they were supposed to be delivered this morning, I thought yay I won’t be here, haha! They were there at 6:15 are you kidding me who delivers at 6:15 in the morning… apparently guys with shingles do. So my dad and I were running around making room and moving cars and shit after the 6:15 delivery of shingles I had to finish getting ready for werk. I got in my car set my lunch down, set my bag down and my tea. I sat to start my car soooooo allofasudden my ass is sopping wet I realized that my front windshield leaks water in the drivers seat!! I had to get out and run in side with the storm and get a towel so I could drive to werk.

I left the car running, got back in and dried off the inside of my car and drove away. I realized I had no tea in hand and I panicked. I slammed on the breaks in the middle of the street and was all FUCK WHERE IS MY TEA? I found it…all over the floorboard of my car… I almost cried. My Monday morning commute to werk is not over yet, oh no!!! I got to werk and parked got out of my car and opened the umbrellah ellah ellah, the wind grabbed it right out of my hand. I of course went chasing after it down the street, because that is the best thing to do in a storm. It was so wet inside it was dripping on me, I realized it’s not the umbrella dripping it was the GIANT hole in the umbrella that was letting rain in. I hate Mondays.

My new favorite obsession is tea, not that “I just bought some teabags at the store crap.” I love real tea. I discovered a tea shop on my 9 hour shopping spree on Saturday and fell in love. This tea is so game I can’t even describe the taste. I can see why there are tea snobs and why I am the newest convert. I have already thrown away all the Lipton tea I used to think was good. I thought about giving it away but I can’t force a horrible tea on someone. Just the thought of doing something like that to even an enemy sends shivers down my spine. Blah, tea bags, ‘spit’ ‘spit’ there we will never mention it again. I can’t wait to get off work to get home and enjoy some tea; it’s how I get through the day now!

A nine hour shopping trip…yes bitch that’s right, be jealous!! Can’t wait for the next one, hmmm…maybe I’ll have a day at the spa, with 4 hours of shopping next week. Mary, that sounds relaxing.

Stop Inviting Me Places South of Iowa City

This is a quick service announcement to all of my friends, don’t invite me to a place that is south of Iowa City. I will not come, show up, or attend. In fact, because you are so disrespectful to me inviting me to a place south of Iowa City, I may not talk to you ever again. I will not attend for three reasons:
1. I am a fan of good hygiene and teeth, dental work is your friend, not your enemy, neither is soap.
2. I am not a fan of beer or drugs. Keggers in a garage and “rolling doobies” counts not only as beer and drugs but backwater beer and drugs, which is worse
3. I am not a fan of being chased down, strung up, and beaten, by the local town yokels. I can fight but I don’t fight fair, and I could probably only defend myself against one person. Since homophobic backwater toothless bitches hunt gays in packs, and can set off a straight man’s gaydar. Good luck getting me to visit you.

In conclusion, don’t invite me to you hometown, if it is south of Iowa City, cause bitch it ain’t happenin!! TRUST

One “Heel” of a Problem

I have recently decided to stop sitting in the same room as the warden. Not because she has leaned to bottle the evil that courses through her veins so I can take it where ever I go, but because she touches me with her cranky filthy feet. I don’t have a problem with feet, just the warden. She has the ability to piss me off more than a bitch wearing cork wedges. She can get under my skin and likes to play games, and then when I get mad she turns it on me and makes it my fault. My mother is a bitch. Also I call my mother the warden. So she thinks that she is being cute, I hate to be touched by her, it makes my skin crawl, so much so, I feel like I might throw up. So, there I am watching TV and the touched me with her feet again. We previously had this conversation…”If you touch me with your feet, I will hit you.” So what does she do…she fucking does it again to test me. I responded the only way I know how, I slapped her in her diabetic nerothpathetic foot and she screamed and swore and threw her 13 year old girl sumo wrestler fit. I picked up my things and went to my room, where I haven’t left in 3 months. I don’t plan to leave my room until I move. Fucking Feesh!