This is a quick service announcement to all of my friends, don’t invite me to a place that is south of Iowa City. I will not come, show up, or attend. In fact, because you are so disrespectful to me inviting me to a place south of Iowa City, I may not talk to you ever again. I will not attend for three reasons:
1. I am a fan of good hygiene and teeth, dental work is your friend, not your enemy, neither is soap.
2. I am not a fan of beer or drugs. Keggers in a garage and “rolling doobies” counts not only as beer and drugs but backwater beer and drugs, which is worse
3. I am not a fan of being chased down, strung up, and beaten, by the local town yokels. I can fight but I don’t fight fair, and I could probably only defend myself against one person. Since homophobic backwater toothless bitches hunt gays in packs, and can set off a straight man’s gaydar. Good luck getting me to visit you.
In conclusion, don’t invite me to you hometown, if it is south of Iowa City, cause bitch it ain’t happenin!! TRUST
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