We All Go A Little Crazy Sometimes

Went out on day 58, never again will I drink that much. I think it was my pre-St. Patrick’s Day party, but I was the only one who knew about the festivity. I did shot after shot, and 2-for-1’s not my best plan. I had a great time and do not regret anything I did. I did get so tore up that I had to leave my car in Cedar Rapids on Friday night, I haven’t been that drunk in a very long time, and it felt good to let go and have fun. As the bar closed, I kept punching my friends yelling for Cheetos. We stopped at the gas station and as my friend went in, some drunk fool (not me, someone new) tried to climb into the passenger seat with me. Like actually sitting on my lap and trying to fasten the seat belt. I should have grabbed him and started yelling “I CAUGHT ME A MAN!!!” In a fit of panic I freaked out and was all “OMG WHAT R U DOING???” He left after that, and so did we, hilarious. We got back to my friends house and we both opened the car doors at the same time and a bunch of his papers flew out of the car, I ran after them and my pants fell down. Picture it, me in the parking lot of an apartment building, chasing receipts with my pants down around my ankles. I was a mess, and I ate horrible that following Sunday, day 60 and Tuesday, day 62.

Let me tell you I was expecting horrible numbers on the scale. I expected to gain at least 2 pounds. Why did I expect such a large gain on day 63…let me just say I ate out at 3 different restaurants the day before. I know Tues was a bad day for me, but I don’t regret it because it was good and it satisfied my cravings. Well, until Friday morning, day 65 I was running late to work and decided to get BK Lounge for breakfast. Which is stoopid because I keep cereal and milk at work for my b-fasts. This fast food is killing me, I could feel it messing up my system, but it tastes good. I haven’t ate out since Friday morning, but I could sure tell that I was stress eating.

Then, I went insane on Thurs and picked a fight with a good friend, for no other reason than I went crazy. I deleted her from my life, she wrote me an e-mail, and brought me back to reality. I apologized, and hope everything is ok. I’m sure if we lived closer she would have bitch slapped me a la Joan Collins. Only because I needed it mind you, but it would have been all very Dynasty. Drama where ever I go, I’m starting to realize that I seem to create most of it. So, to deal with all that I eat, because I wanted to, or subconsciously I wanted to pick a fight so I could rationalize in my mind that it was ok to stress eat. I made some bad choices this past weekend, and it is entirely possible that the scale will show it. Though I didn’t use nearly as many points as I did the previous weekend because I didn’t drink.

I have been working out, well walking. I walked last wed, thurs, and fri, and this mon. I didn’t walk yesterday because I forgot my id, and they would not let me in. I like to work out on a dreadmill, I mean treadmill, because I can control the speed and the incline. I used to hate working out, I would make jokes that I would rather be water boarded than work out, but now I kind of like it, I use up some of the pent up energy that I have. I do have a horrible story about working out…well horribly funny. Monday I jumped on treadmill 3 and started going. As a bigger guy I noticed right away that the belt was slipping, so I jumped off and moved to number 2. Well this girl showed up and got on number 3 and started going. I was under the assumption that the belt was slipping because I was larger and my weight was making it stick. LOL NOPE. She started going, and it slipped, and bit it. She fell on her ass and slid right off, she was looking at me like I was supposed to not laugh and help her up. Well, let me tell you that if I would have gotten off that treadmill I would not have gotten back on. Its hard for big girl to slow down once we get momentum. Am I right ladies?

So what was the result last week, the scales tipped that’s for sure. They tipped in my favor. I lost 1.4 pounds, bringing my total weight lost to 31.6 pounds. I was astonished, how could I have drank so much and eaten out that much with no repercussions. It dawned on me that the scales may catch up to me this week which is unfortunate, I really do not want to gain, but if I do I know that I ate out, stress ate and drank like a fish, and I cannot do those things if I want to be able to walk out of my pants.

Day 54 take 2: Out with the supplements.

I don’t know what I was thinking, all of a sudden I remembered an episode of Family Ties or some 80 sitcom where one of the characters kept eating Flintstone’s Chewable Vitamins to get healthy and they ate so much their hair started to fall out. So I decided…I don’t know why to look up harmful side effects of Zinc and Vitamin C, I was shocked.

Zinc. I read that taking too much zinc can actually weaken the immune system, interfere with absorption of other minerals and lower HDL. In large doses, it can interfere with white blood cells and other defense systems that fight against infections and cancers. Umm, I threw that schitt out. I don’t need those problems I get plenty of reg zinc in the foods I eat, and in the daily men’s multivitamin

Vitamin C. Was just a crazy, I read this about my poor Vit C. Although too much vitamin C from your diet is unlikely to harm you, megadoses of vitamin C supplements can cause nausea, diarrhea, kidney stones and inflammation of the stomach lining (gastritis). I threw that out too, I know from other people's experience that kidney stones are painful. They were expired anyway. LOL.

Im afraid to look up any more.

Day 54: Work it out.

Back to cereal for breakfast, and soup for lunch, I can already feel the hunger pangs for lunch and I think that people are cooking food already at 10:40 I smell egg rolls…are you kidding me right now. Ridiculous. I have decided that I need to start working out. I have lost almost 30 pounds on diet alone and I feel that I am hitting a plateau with my weight loss. I need to start exercising. Everyone who knows me knows, I would rather lick the passenger seat in my car than work out but I think that is in time to start moving. I can’t stay this flabby mess of fat forever. I talked to a co-worker today and asked if I could go walking with her at lunch and she said yes, she would love to have me go. Great, I thought, I brought my shoes and am ready to go when you are. I have an absolute fear of working out, I afraid that I’m too big, that I am so out of shape I will keel over and die, that I will fall and break a hip, LOL. You laugh, be these are my serious concerns; I need to start working out because these are serious concerns. I am 31 years old and I should not be worrying about breaking a hip it’s dumb.

Day 49 and 50: A Celebration.

Day 49 hit and I decided that I was going to eat what I wanted for supper, I made a fierce mushroom omelet and didn’t worry about counting points. Don’t worry, it turned out to be only about a 26 point supper which is what I normally have. I had weighed in and still lost. I lost .8 pounds, not much but I still lost, that may catch up to me on weigh in day Day 56, we will have to wait and see, but I cant let that get me down there will always be setback and roadblocks to my goals. Day 49 was a good day for another reason; I paid off another charge card, whoo hoo. I decided that I was going to eat out for breakfast the following morning. Not the best decision I have made, I had one slice of breakfast pizza and one cup serving of cheesy hash browns, that cost me 20 points, OMG 20 points, I almost had a fit, lol. But I ate light the rest of the day and it balanced out. I learned that I should not go overboard but if I do it is completely manageable with a little self control. On my journey, I have a lot of celebrations to come…I hope, and I have to find a way to celebrate without food or drink. Which I think will be harder than losing weight at times.

Days 44-46, A “Weak” in Review

I haven’t blogged in a few days so I probably should to before I forget what’s going on and what I’ve been struggling with. I’m currently on day 50, it’s Thursday March 4, and I can physically feel my willpower and motivation waning, kicking me in the nuts and headed out. I don’t know for 100% percent certainty what it is, but I have a clue. Bread, alcohol, and cheese are at least partially to blame I think, the rest, lies solely on me and my poor choices. On night 44 I decided I was not spending another night at home playing Farmville or café world, I just couldn’t, because honestly how am I ever going to meet someone at home online who isn’t a creeper. I decided to go out. I got ready and left, I didn’t know where I was going until I was on the interstate headed towards Iowa City. I had decided to go out. I made ended up in Cedar Rapids and thought I could have a couple drinks, I only had 2 drinks and 3 shots, not to bad I still had my will power and motivation. I had not eaten out. Flash forward to Saturday day 45, I my good friend made me lunch…cause I slept through breakfast and I are out for supper, dun dun dun. I know right, but I made good choices; I had Subway no cheese no mayo only ham, veggies, and honey mustard on the wheat. I had baked chips not the bad ones, I think I did pretty well. Until I got to the bar, I hadn’t let loose in so long or had any kind of fun I think I probably had 5 drinks and 10-14 shots. I don’t feel bad about it because I had fun and I needed it. Though, I need to learn how to balance losing weight, living healthy, and being able to socialize with friends without going overboard. I did have a few to many which led to the lasagna incident on Sunday morning where I had 3 servings of homemade lasagna. It was GOOOOD. I don’t feel bad or guilty about it, nor do I regret the poor choices I made because tomorrow is a new muther fuckin day and each new day comes with new choices. By no means is this an end to my new lifestyle, I have a long hard road to go, I cannot let a span of 12 hours that just happened to cross 2 days ruin my outlook or my goals. I have learned from this experience that I cannot be perfect all of the time with food and drink, and that only makes me human.