Steampunk FTW

My costume this year is going to be fantastic, I'm super excited and ready to wear it now I'm making it myself this year, and I have to say the satisfaction I'm getting from making my own costume is fantastic. I'm dressing in the style of steam punk. It’s kind of a Victorian era mixed with the designs from the industrial revolution. Imagine Sherlock Holmes starring Robert Downey Jr. if you have not seen this check it out. I will be posting some pics once I get them uploaded online.

I may actually start selling the pins I'm making to cover the buttons on my jacket, they are endearing and charming. I LOVE THEM.

Get it under control gurl!

So I preached a couple weeks ago about control and balance, how I wanted to get back on track and find my weight loss mojo again. Did that happen? Hell to the no. I have struggled. I feel like I’m under so much pressure. I have 2 jobs, one job my boss just came back from FMLA and I reasserting her authority (poorly in case you wanted to know), and my second job there seems to be an increasing amount of responsibility with no communication about it. I’m on the brink of a fight with my mother with her inappropriate comments at the most inopportune times possible. The passing of my grandfather was a big stressor last week. I’m consistently tired, but when I’m not sleeping or working, I'm drinking to stay calm. I wish I was independently wealthy so I could crawl under a rock and sleep for a month or two but c’est la vie.
So this week I'm starting off slow to regain balance in my life. I'm not drinking soda with caffeine and working out every other day. I tried two weeks ago jumping back into everything and over compensated with heavy drinking on the weekend. I feel I need to take small steps to ensure my success, and cutting out the regular soda and diet soda with caffeine is a good jumping point. Let me just make a side note here, I have the worst caffeine withdrawal headache and if I was a surgeon I would surgery you for some soda…surgery you to death LOL. Once I make it to Wednesday without caffeine I should be fine. Those Monster drinks, even the diet ones are ridiculous. I have decided that I am going to drink on Saturday the night of the Halloween party, and then I will not drink again until New Years Eve. It will definitely be a trial but I know it’s something I can accomplish. Short term goals for the win.
I have found two new workout partners, actually three, two for after work and one at work who committed to running the IMT half marathon October 2012. I have to say I'm totally stoked about it.
So in closing, I recommend this…baby steps bitch, baby steps. Patience is a virtue, a cliché yes but still applicable in my and many other peoples’ lives.

Three ghastly dates with two atrocious people.

So I have decided to catch people up on my life and what I’m doing. Well, in this case not doing. I’m not dating right now, I like to say I’m getting back to me, but in all honesty I can’t handle the whores, lies, and all around bat shit craziness of the people I’ve dated in the last couple months.

My first “date” in over 13 years was back in February of 2011. I write “date” in quotes because gawd damn he was a hawt mess. I had talked to this guy several times and we decided to meet and go out for pizza and drinks, unfortunately I didn’t tell him I wasn’t eating out or drinking yet, poor him. LOL. We met up and chatted for what must have been 3 hours at the restaurant. He was wasted as the night wound down and I decided I should drop him off at his place because he doesn’t have a car (red light number one I know). He wanted to get a bottle of something to finish the night off, so we walked across the street where he bought a bottle of what I think was a house whiskey…I’m sure it was delicious, LOL. So, we got back to his apt and can I tell you I fell in LOVE with his place, 10th floor overlooking downtown Des Moines, breathtaking. He then decided to drink all the alcohol. This is no exaggeration. He literally drank everything in his house and began to pour his heart and soul out to me (red light number two). He talked forever and then asked if I would suck him off. What?!? Mother fucker you just told me about how your mom and grandma passed away and then you tried to use any sympathy I may have to ask me for a bj… oh hell no bitch…hell no! He said it was all right because he needed to get his valtrex prescription refilled (red light number three, check please). I can’t tell you the shit that was running through my mind. You brought me to your apt, to ask my mouth to meet your cash and prizes and then let it slip that you have herpes. Thank gawd that I always have a contingency plan waiting for just such an emergency. He went to the bathroom to vomit and I set my phone to ring, I answered and had a fake conversation with no one. I declared I had to go and save my straight boyfriend from his shrew of an ex, thus saving my face from a smattering of the herps. Poor him, LOL.

My second date wasn’t any better, I met guy number two at the bar (red light number one I know). I didn’t get his number and I left to go home and sleep. It was about a week later I was out with a bunch of friends that I asked for his number, I texted him and asked if he would like to go and see Scream 4. He was in, and I was super excited. Like 16 year old girl going to her first dance excited, I’m sure if you ask the right people they will say I squealed. So I went to his place and met him and his dog, which was adorable. I really started to see something happening with this guy, he was smart, my age, attractive, been through a weight gain and then loss, and knew how to work hard to achieve what he wanted, until he asked if I smoked. I replied that I don’t smoke cigarettes, they made me ill. He laughed, I laughed, the dog rolled over, it was a hoot until he took out his one hitter. Are you fucking kidding me? Is there anyone left who doesn’t do some kind of drug. My heart sank. Well, that was second red light, actually my third. The second red light was the man’s dog. This poor poor thing was about 50 pounds overweight. I was there when he fed the dog, a bowl of kibble, chicken breast, rice, a jar of chicken gravy, and beef jerky. Are you kidding me, really? After he told me about his struggles with his weight, it dawned on me that he is still over eating, vicariously through his dog. We left and went to the movie, I was excited, but he started to freak out, I’m sure because of the pot. He paid for the movie and told me as we went in he read all the spoilers online so he wouldn’t be surprised. I’m furious at this point, why the fuck did you even agree to go see the movie with me if you read who the killer was online. HOT FUCKING MESS. He then pretended to be petrified of the movie and had to leave several times so he wouldn’t freak out…I’m sure pot related. I love movies, I love music, and I love to have fun. Three things this boy obviously did not have in common with me. We got back to his place and we chatted. Ungh, I’m tired of chatting. He told me all of his secrets about his family, himself, and his past relationships. He let me know that he wasn’t looking for a relationship, but he was kind of sort of seeing this bi guy. I was done and over it at this point, I wanted to say, “Really, you’re 33 year old pot smoker, you overeat through your dog, and you’re in a relationship with a guy who will ultimately leave you, because honey…a “bi” guy will always choose pussy over your butthole” but I held my tongue. He served me a cheese filled breadstick as a consolation prize, and I left. OBNOXIOUS. I saw him a week later at the garden, he followed me around like I was supposed to be into him, I wasn’t.

The third date I went on was with the first guy, in June. I know what you are thinking, why did you give him a second chance. Well, don’t we all wish we had a second chance at something? I met up with him at the garden where he let me know he had already been drinking but he had taken a ho bath. I had no idea what a ho bath was, but he was overtly pleased to let me know. It’s when you wash your face, pits, and cash and prizes. It’s like giving the people the illusion that you are clean. Awesome. So, we went inside and I bought him a shot of descent whiskey, I blinked and he was obliterated and belligerent. WTF was I thinking. He didn’t want to be at the garden anymore, so we left and went to the saddle. They had male strippers that night, and those poor straight strippers looked like deer in headlights, the funniest thing I had seen in a minute. So he had more booze and started getting texts on his phone from a guy who was creeping on him in the bar. He wanted to know who I was. Awesome I just got stuck in the middle of something. He bought me a lap dance to distract me and the poor stripper man freaked out so I sent him away. So he got incredibly uncomfortable with the texts he was receiving, and we went next door where he decided to have a couple more drinks. After a twenty minute conversation of what can only be described as Courtney Love’s stream of consciousness, he decided to pick a fight with two boys who were waiting in line to sing the karaoke. Why would he want to pick a fight with a couple of guys who wanted to sing? I’m glad you asked it was because they were skinnier than he was. Right, bat shit crazy. I decided I was ready to go, and I offered to take him home. He declined but hobbled me to my car. I said good night and when I turned around he was gone. Completely disappeared. Pulled a fucking Houdini on me. I found out later he went back into the karaoke bar and picked a fight with the kids. He got yelled at by the bar tender and went into the bathroom, where he passed out on the floor until they kicked him out at close. Over it.

So, of all the things that I have learned through my experiences with these two guys, it is these simple things. Men, especially gay men are just as fucking crazy as women. There is a ratio of pretty to bat shit crazy any one person can handle. This ratio is directly proportional, the prettier the person the more insane the person is. People will tell me things whether I want to know them or not. That is just who I am, I’m a listener, and when someone listens, people talk, about everything. I’ve learned that I should follow my gut instincts when it comes to second chances, and I shouldn’t give them, and then I should run away from that person.

Disclaimer: If you have, by some chance fallen upon this blog, and you are one of the two guys mentioned above, I say this…”no, this ain’t about you baby, I promise.”

Starting over...again

It’s funny where we find ourselves sometimes, picking up from where we left off three months earlier. My life and weight loss have stalled once again, unfortunately I’m the only one to blame. I would like to point fingers, but I know it’s because I wanted to have some fun, and boy did I. I do feel like I'm in mourning for something or someone I have lost. Lost friendships perhaps, I'm not sure. Still it’s no excuse. So, I'm writing now as a therapeutic means of expression, and nothing more, so if my words find you, and help to motivate or inspire you, then hurrah. If not, then oh well, I didn't write this for you. LOL.

I won't have any accurate numbers for my weight until wed night. Once I weigh in I will post and then I am committing to posting once a week mostly because I need to be accountable to someone, and I guess I'm coming to terms with the fact that the only person I can truly be accountable to is myself.

I am currently working two jobs, one in financial aid and one at a new themed restaurant. I have to say I didn't think I would like working at the restaurant but I do. I like it more so than my regular full time job. I like the fact that I'm not bound to a desk, devoid of human contact and supervising a group of good kids. I have to say that working there and the ease of availability of food has contributed to my most recent weight gain of about 18 pounds, not that much in the grand scheme of things mind you, but still a significant weight gain in only a matter of weeks. I have stopped eating the food and started packing my supper. I spent my entire Sunday morning off, cooking and prepping food the week only to have to go to work and do it all over again. The definition of irony.

My birthday week was also a hoot. I turned 33 this year; well I've been telling everyone that I'm turning 25 for the 9th and final time, which has a double meaning. I went out more than I wanted to and spent a couple hundred dollars, lol. Oh well I had a good time and MISSION ACCOMPLISHED (for those of you who know what that means, you'll get a giggle). I did go out 6 days in a row on my bday week, a little excessive in hindsight, but I haven't had a bday party in years.

So once again I make the declaration that I will no longer be eating out or drinking until I lose all of the weight I have gained in the last 8 weeks. I will continue to pack my lunches even though several people freaked out because I did so. Get over it bitches.

We All Go A Little Crazy Sometimes

Went out on day 58, never again will I drink that much. I think it was my pre-St. Patrick’s Day party, but I was the only one who knew about the festivity. I did shot after shot, and 2-for-1’s not my best plan. I had a great time and do not regret anything I did. I did get so tore up that I had to leave my car in Cedar Rapids on Friday night, I haven’t been that drunk in a very long time, and it felt good to let go and have fun. As the bar closed, I kept punching my friends yelling for Cheetos. We stopped at the gas station and as my friend went in, some drunk fool (not me, someone new) tried to climb into the passenger seat with me. Like actually sitting on my lap and trying to fasten the seat belt. I should have grabbed him and started yelling “I CAUGHT ME A MAN!!!” In a fit of panic I freaked out and was all “OMG WHAT R U DOING???” He left after that, and so did we, hilarious. We got back to my friends house and we both opened the car doors at the same time and a bunch of his papers flew out of the car, I ran after them and my pants fell down. Picture it, me in the parking lot of an apartment building, chasing receipts with my pants down around my ankles. I was a mess, and I ate horrible that following Sunday, day 60 and Tuesday, day 62.

Let me tell you I was expecting horrible numbers on the scale. I expected to gain at least 2 pounds. Why did I expect such a large gain on day 63…let me just say I ate out at 3 different restaurants the day before. I know Tues was a bad day for me, but I don’t regret it because it was good and it satisfied my cravings. Well, until Friday morning, day 65 I was running late to work and decided to get BK Lounge for breakfast. Which is stoopid because I keep cereal and milk at work for my b-fasts. This fast food is killing me, I could feel it messing up my system, but it tastes good. I haven’t ate out since Friday morning, but I could sure tell that I was stress eating.

Then, I went insane on Thurs and picked a fight with a good friend, for no other reason than I went crazy. I deleted her from my life, she wrote me an e-mail, and brought me back to reality. I apologized, and hope everything is ok. I’m sure if we lived closer she would have bitch slapped me a la Joan Collins. Only because I needed it mind you, but it would have been all very Dynasty. Drama where ever I go, I’m starting to realize that I seem to create most of it. So, to deal with all that I eat, because I wanted to, or subconsciously I wanted to pick a fight so I could rationalize in my mind that it was ok to stress eat. I made some bad choices this past weekend, and it is entirely possible that the scale will show it. Though I didn’t use nearly as many points as I did the previous weekend because I didn’t drink.

I have been working out, well walking. I walked last wed, thurs, and fri, and this mon. I didn’t walk yesterday because I forgot my id, and they would not let me in. I like to work out on a dreadmill, I mean treadmill, because I can control the speed and the incline. I used to hate working out, I would make jokes that I would rather be water boarded than work out, but now I kind of like it, I use up some of the pent up energy that I have. I do have a horrible story about working out…well horribly funny. Monday I jumped on treadmill 3 and started going. As a bigger guy I noticed right away that the belt was slipping, so I jumped off and moved to number 2. Well this girl showed up and got on number 3 and started going. I was under the assumption that the belt was slipping because I was larger and my weight was making it stick. LOL NOPE. She started going, and it slipped, and bit it. She fell on her ass and slid right off, she was looking at me like I was supposed to not laugh and help her up. Well, let me tell you that if I would have gotten off that treadmill I would not have gotten back on. Its hard for big girl to slow down once we get momentum. Am I right ladies?

So what was the result last week, the scales tipped that’s for sure. They tipped in my favor. I lost 1.4 pounds, bringing my total weight lost to 31.6 pounds. I was astonished, how could I have drank so much and eaten out that much with no repercussions. It dawned on me that the scales may catch up to me this week which is unfortunate, I really do not want to gain, but if I do I know that I ate out, stress ate and drank like a fish, and I cannot do those things if I want to be able to walk out of my pants.

Day 54 take 2: Out with the supplements.

I don’t know what I was thinking, all of a sudden I remembered an episode of Family Ties or some 80 sitcom where one of the characters kept eating Flintstone’s Chewable Vitamins to get healthy and they ate so much their hair started to fall out. So I decided…I don’t know why to look up harmful side effects of Zinc and Vitamin C, I was shocked.

Zinc. I read that taking too much zinc can actually weaken the immune system, interfere with absorption of other minerals and lower HDL. In large doses, it can interfere with white blood cells and other defense systems that fight against infections and cancers. Umm, I threw that schitt out. I don’t need those problems I get plenty of reg zinc in the foods I eat, and in the daily men’s multivitamin

Vitamin C. Was just a crazy, I read this about my poor Vit C. Although too much vitamin C from your diet is unlikely to harm you, megadoses of vitamin C supplements can cause nausea, diarrhea, kidney stones and inflammation of the stomach lining (gastritis). I threw that out too, I know from other people's experience that kidney stones are painful. They were expired anyway. LOL.

Im afraid to look up any more.

Day 54: Work it out.

Back to cereal for breakfast, and soup for lunch, I can already feel the hunger pangs for lunch and I think that people are cooking food already at 10:40 I smell egg rolls…are you kidding me right now. Ridiculous. I have decided that I need to start working out. I have lost almost 30 pounds on diet alone and I feel that I am hitting a plateau with my weight loss. I need to start exercising. Everyone who knows me knows, I would rather lick the passenger seat in my car than work out but I think that is in time to start moving. I can’t stay this flabby mess of fat forever. I talked to a co-worker today and asked if I could go walking with her at lunch and she said yes, she would love to have me go. Great, I thought, I brought my shoes and am ready to go when you are. I have an absolute fear of working out, I afraid that I’m too big, that I am so out of shape I will keel over and die, that I will fall and break a hip, LOL. You laugh, be these are my serious concerns; I need to start working out because these are serious concerns. I am 31 years old and I should not be worrying about breaking a hip it’s dumb.

Day 49 and 50: A Celebration.

Day 49 hit and I decided that I was going to eat what I wanted for supper, I made a fierce mushroom omelet and didn’t worry about counting points. Don’t worry, it turned out to be only about a 26 point supper which is what I normally have. I had weighed in and still lost. I lost .8 pounds, not much but I still lost, that may catch up to me on weigh in day Day 56, we will have to wait and see, but I cant let that get me down there will always be setback and roadblocks to my goals. Day 49 was a good day for another reason; I paid off another charge card, whoo hoo. I decided that I was going to eat out for breakfast the following morning. Not the best decision I have made, I had one slice of breakfast pizza and one cup serving of cheesy hash browns, that cost me 20 points, OMG 20 points, I almost had a fit, lol. But I ate light the rest of the day and it balanced out. I learned that I should not go overboard but if I do it is completely manageable with a little self control. On my journey, I have a lot of celebrations to come…I hope, and I have to find a way to celebrate without food or drink. Which I think will be harder than losing weight at times.

Days 44-46, A “Weak” in Review

I haven’t blogged in a few days so I probably should to before I forget what’s going on and what I’ve been struggling with. I’m currently on day 50, it’s Thursday March 4, and I can physically feel my willpower and motivation waning, kicking me in the nuts and headed out. I don’t know for 100% percent certainty what it is, but I have a clue. Bread, alcohol, and cheese are at least partially to blame I think, the rest, lies solely on me and my poor choices. On night 44 I decided I was not spending another night at home playing Farmville or café world, I just couldn’t, because honestly how am I ever going to meet someone at home online who isn’t a creeper. I decided to go out. I got ready and left, I didn’t know where I was going until I was on the interstate headed towards Iowa City. I had decided to go out. I made ended up in Cedar Rapids and thought I could have a couple drinks, I only had 2 drinks and 3 shots, not to bad I still had my will power and motivation. I had not eaten out. Flash forward to Saturday day 45, I my good friend made me lunch…cause I slept through breakfast and I are out for supper, dun dun dun. I know right, but I made good choices; I had Subway no cheese no mayo only ham, veggies, and honey mustard on the wheat. I had baked chips not the bad ones, I think I did pretty well. Until I got to the bar, I hadn’t let loose in so long or had any kind of fun I think I probably had 5 drinks and 10-14 shots. I don’t feel bad about it because I had fun and I needed it. Though, I need to learn how to balance losing weight, living healthy, and being able to socialize with friends without going overboard. I did have a few to many which led to the lasagna incident on Sunday morning where I had 3 servings of homemade lasagna. It was GOOOOD. I don’t feel bad or guilty about it, nor do I regret the poor choices I made because tomorrow is a new muther fuckin day and each new day comes with new choices. By no means is this an end to my new lifestyle, I have a long hard road to go, I cannot let a span of 12 hours that just happened to cross 2 days ruin my outlook or my goals. I have learned from this experience that I cannot be perfect all of the time with food and drink, and that only makes me human.

D is for Dick

I have a saying that I picked up from Oprah, a few year ago, it goes something like this, “if you are still mad about it in 6 months then it is worth being mad about” well, here I am 8 months later and I’m still mad. I’m sure you know who I’m talking about, you are a dick, and a douche bag. I am annoyed to no end with your douchebaggery and dumbassity, and as such I have not talked to you in months or seen your wife, my friend since Halloween. Why you ask, well trick, let me tell you. You let your mouth over run your asshole while thinking you are being edgy. Well, I say enjoy being edgy when you are all alone with your speed bumps bitch. What are the reasons I have to never talk to this mofo again there are many, but 2009’s reasons stem from Capital City Pride 2009. Here is the scenario; he worked Pride to say he worked at Pride, he doesn’t give 2 schitts about the gay community. He was there so he could use it as a quaint anecdote at all of the parties he isn’t invited to or while talking to the friends he doesn’t have. If he is not belittling someone then he’s not having fun so no one else is having fun either, he goes out of his way to ruin a good time. He called me a user (I don’t even know what that means). And he tried to back into my new car and giggled about it like little school bitch…I say fuck you, and your wife can give me a call when she files for divorce…suck it, assface!

Much Love Whore,
Still Bitter

A Costco Cake Extraviganza…Day 29 Recap

I have to write about this because it is still in my mind, and I would like to get my thoughts down before I forget.

Way back on day 29, so 2 weeks ago, lol. I had a co-worker come into my office and ask me the following question, “Hey Jim, I’m going to Costco on my lunch and buying a cake any recommendations?” Really are you effing kidding me right now, I am on day 29 and I think that I’m doing ok so far and then I am thrown one of the biggest road blocks EVER a Costco cake. I don’t know if you have ever had a Costco cake, but let me tell you that it is truly a delight, I would smack my momma with my grandma for some Costco cake. A treat worth having, and I wanted to have it all. ALL OF IT!!! But I refrain and say, “I’m sorry but I can’t have any because I’m trying to eat healthy and the 11 bags of sugar and 4 pounds of butter in the cake is not healthy.” That was the last I had heard of it for about 15 minutes, another co-worker then proceeded to tease me about the damn delicious cake for the next 3 hours, “Hey Jim that cake will be real good, you should have some,” and the like. I was fine dealing with that because the cake hadn’t arrived yet. Like I said I was fine, until my co-worker got back with the cake, and brought it into my office for me to smell…let me repeat that for you, BROUGHT IT INTO MY OFFICE FOR ME TO SMELL…ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??? It literally took all of my will power to say no thank you not once, twice, or thrice…I was asked 17 times by 7 different people in the office in 4 hours if I was going to have cake. Needless to say I made it through the day without eating any of the 9 pound cake of death. I think I only needed to say no once for it to sink in that I was really serious about losing weight this time…well in this case I said no 17 times, but you get the idea.

Apparently I’m Not Alone…Day 43

Here I am on day 43 I have decided to make an effort to blog every day about some thing that has to do with my weight loss, because I have a long term goal in mind. I weighed in last night and lost again, my current total is over 28 pounds that is over .6 pounds a day lost and over 112 sticks of butter. I wish I would have taken my measurements when I started, I am down from a 5x t-shirt to a 4x comfortably, and I can literally walk out of my pants which I think is hilarious. Anyways I am over 28 pounds closer to my goal of…I’m not sure what my goal is, I haven’t thought about it, I will think about that once I lose 10% of my total weight.

I think I want to talk about how I feel about my over exposure to the fast food industry, and how I absolutely hate it. I want to share that when I first started going back to weight watchers, I counted the number of places that I could stop and get something bad to eat, I included, any restaurants, gas stations, grocery stores, and bars. I pass 42 places in my 10 mile drive to work. Well, 41 now because the BK on University by the main post office is closed and for sale. It is truly unfortunate that we make this horribly delicious and addicting food so readily available. It’s even more unfortunate that I know where all of these places are and when one has gone out of business. I’m sitting at my office typing this and eating cheerios thinking about how a breakfast sandwich would be way better than what I’m having now. Does it ever go away? Does it ever stop? Is it just me? NO, NO, and NO, because I was raised a fast food junkie, to look for an easy out, and that it’s ok to be lazy or worry about being healthy as long as it’s convenient. I think I like the phrase fast food junkie, cause I could use a dbl cheese hit. I used to joke that I was a dollar menuaire and that I used to take 700 calorie bites, but it doesn’t seem as funny anymore. I constantly want to eat fast food, its easy, fast, and tastes good. I have persevered, I say good morning day 43, and I have not eaten out once. I have also tried to eliminate the media which so blatantly and with out regard to my well being attacks me on a regular basis on average every 7-10 minutes by the newest burger at whatever fast food place. That’s right, I stopped watching TV, I am down to less than 1 hour a week if that. On my drives to and fro, I can’t listen to any radio station with out hearing a public service announcement from Ronny or the King. I’ve even run a few red lights (nothing new, right) because I don’t want to stop at a corner with a fast food place to smell it, it’s so inviting. You know what I’m talking about, right? One of Jimmy John’s signs in the window say “Smells Are Free,” that’s true, but not when they cost you a piece of your soul. So, I have to say apparently I’m not alone” I have several facebook friends fighting the same battle as me, I have won several battles, but I’m afraid that this war will never end.

Leave Me Alone…I’m Starving!!

I decided to go on a diet again, I was tired of feeling gross and greasy, I was eating out 4-7 times a week, maybe more. I would stop at places like Burger King, McDonalds, and Wendys and pick up a couple 700 calorie bites and then go home and have another supper. It was getting bad my knees hurt, my back hurt, I was not sleeping well, I was in constant pain. I had joined Weight Watchers back in Feb of 2009 and yo-yoed all over the place. With the amount of horrible fatty food I cooked and ate from Thanksgiving through the 2nd week of Jan, I came close to putting back on all the weight I lost in the prior year of dieting. I was mortified, I was at a loss, I didn’t think that I would ever lose weight, and I started to accept that I would just be big my entire life. Then something dawned on me, I hadn’t quit. I was still paying Weight Watchers and still attending meetings when weather would allow. I then remembered what one of the leaders said one day in a meeting, “I was resolved not to quit this time, I had started and stopped so many times, I just decided to keep going until I was ready to lose weight.” I thought that maybe I was resolved not to quit. We received a new leader and her positivity and encouragement really meant something to me, she didn’t know me, she didn’t have to listen to my problems and struggles, but she did. I could not wrap my head around why she cared about me, but she did. She had gone so far as giving me her e-mail address and business card. No other leader my 10 year “on again off again love hate” relationship with Weight Watchers has anyone ever put themselves out there like that for me. I think this struck a cord within me, though I have not used it yet. I found I had a new motivation and willpower to lose weight. I have not eaten out or even had a slice of bread in 41 days, and in those 41 days I have lost over 25 pounds. That is over ½ a pound a day over 100 sticks of butter, I have shed. I am still a work in progress, and learning why I am the way I am. I have a few leads starting with the people I live with, but this I feel is a good change, and a great start to my long term goals. I have learned that this is no longer a diet but a healthy way of life. I still crave fast food, and I think I always will, but I have the power to just keep driving by and hopefully I continue to do so to make it to day 42.

Got Shingles?

This is from summer 2009 I forgot to post it

I’ve had a shitty Monday already, the parents bought shingles for the roof on sun and they were supposed to be delivered this morning, I thought yay I won’t be here, haha! They were there at 6:15 are you kidding me who delivers at 6:15 in the morning… apparently guys with shingles do. So my dad and I were running around making room and moving cars and shit after the 6:15 delivery of shingles I had to finish getting ready for werk. I got in my car set my lunch down, set my bag down and my tea. I sat to start my car soooooo allofasudden my ass is sopping wet I realized that my front windshield leaks water in the drivers seat!! I had to get out and run in side with the storm and get a towel so I could drive to werk.

I left the car running, got back in and dried off the inside of my car and drove away. I realized I had no tea in hand and I panicked. I slammed on the breaks in the middle of the street and was all FUCK WHERE IS MY TEA? I found it…all over the floorboard of my car… I almost cried. My Monday morning commute to werk is not over yet, oh no!!! I got to werk and parked got out of my car and opened the umbrellah ellah ellah, the wind grabbed it right out of my hand. I of course went chasing after it down the street, because that is the best thing to do in a storm. It was so wet inside it was dripping on me, I realized it’s not the umbrella dripping it was the GIANT hole in the umbrella that was letting rain in. I hate Mondays.

My new favorite obsession is tea, not that “I just bought some teabags at the store crap.” I love real tea. I discovered a tea shop on my 9 hour shopping spree on Saturday and fell in love. This tea is so game I can’t even describe the taste. I can see why there are tea snobs and why I am the newest convert. I have already thrown away all the Lipton tea I used to think was good. I thought about giving it away but I can’t force a horrible tea on someone. Just the thought of doing something like that to even an enemy sends shivers down my spine. Blah, tea bags, ‘spit’ ‘spit’ there we will never mention it again. I can’t wait to get off work to get home and enjoy some tea; it’s how I get through the day now!

A nine hour shopping trip…yes bitch that’s right, be jealous!! Can’t wait for the next one, hmmm…maybe I’ll have a day at the spa, with 4 hours of shopping next week. Mary, that sounds relaxing.

Stop Inviting Me Places South of Iowa City

This is a quick service announcement to all of my friends, don’t invite me to a place that is south of Iowa City. I will not come, show up, or attend. In fact, because you are so disrespectful to me inviting me to a place south of Iowa City, I may not talk to you ever again. I will not attend for three reasons:
1. I am a fan of good hygiene and teeth, dental work is your friend, not your enemy, neither is soap.
2. I am not a fan of beer or drugs. Keggers in a garage and “rolling doobies” counts not only as beer and drugs but backwater beer and drugs, which is worse
3. I am not a fan of being chased down, strung up, and beaten, by the local town yokels. I can fight but I don’t fight fair, and I could probably only defend myself against one person. Since homophobic backwater toothless bitches hunt gays in packs, and can set off a straight man’s gaydar. Good luck getting me to visit you.

In conclusion, don’t invite me to you hometown, if it is south of Iowa City, cause bitch it ain’t happenin!! TRUST

One “Heel” of a Problem

I have recently decided to stop sitting in the same room as the warden. Not because she has leaned to bottle the evil that courses through her veins so I can take it where ever I go, but because she touches me with her cranky filthy feet. I don’t have a problem with feet, just the warden. She has the ability to piss me off more than a bitch wearing cork wedges. She can get under my skin and likes to play games, and then when I get mad she turns it on me and makes it my fault. My mother is a bitch. Also I call my mother the warden. So she thinks that she is being cute, I hate to be touched by her, it makes my skin crawl, so much so, I feel like I might throw up. So, there I am watching TV and the touched me with her feet again. We previously had this conversation…”If you touch me with your feet, I will hit you.” So what does she do…she fucking does it again to test me. I responded the only way I know how, I slapped her in her diabetic nerothpathetic foot and she screamed and swore and threw her 13 year old girl sumo wrestler fit. I picked up my things and went to my room, where I haven’t left in 3 months. I don’t plan to leave my room until I move. Fucking Feesh!

The end of an era

I have decided it is time to grow a pair and grow up. I have decided to stop collecting comic books and to sell my entire collection. I know what you are thinking, what the hell is a 30+ year old gay man doing collecting comics. I'll tell you ass hole. growing up I had 4 things, food (which I am paying for now), tv, video games, and comic books. Yep that's it, I didn't have friends growing up because the warden raised me not to trust anyone, cause they are out to get your stuff, she would say with her rum and coke breath at 4 am. So I escaped my torturous childhood and the warden by reading comic books. This translated into escaping my torturous adulthood by reading comic books. I know it seems juvenile, but I can relate to teams of hot men dressed in spandex who are judged and hated for only being who they are...hmm what real life group is shunned and hated for being who they are and wearing spandex, CARNIES. I know I don't want them in my town either.

I miss iowa city

Let me tell you it is hard to be poor and away from all your friends for long periods of time. I have had to go out of my way to make sure that I can have some fun in a town where everyone seems to be angry all the time. No, not angry, Sarena Williams pissed all of the time. I don't know what is worse, having to drive to work in the morning or having to drive home to my mother and fathers house in the evening. Its a hard call. The drivers in Des Moines are hateful, this is not Chicago or New York people, its fucking Iowa!! Since living in Des Moines, I probably been cut off to the point where I'm slamming the breaks and yelling4-5 times a month screaming and flipping people off to no avail. Not good for a fatty with high blood pressure...salt is good...LOL anyways. Shopping in Des Moines is even worse, don't stand in that isle too long at the target or the hy-vee, cause there is always some bitch making that sucky noise with er tongue and teeth letting you know that you are in her way and her time is more important than yours. Pfft fusk that bitch, imma stand here and look at sodium free canned green beans until store close!! Ungh if I could get away with it I would start taking meth so I could elbow her in the titty with my meth elbow. I know I know its a bad reason to start elbowing people. Don't get me started on the filthy people in Des Moines. Okay do...so you will always run into the filthiest people show up creeping at the worst possible times, like when you are walking in the mall and you smell those deliciously addictive pretzels and someone beat you to the front of the line and they smell like a dead raccoon stuffed with cheese. I'm over that schitt. Or when you go to the movies and some horrendously rotten mother fucker sits in front of you and rips ass the entire time. He got a sprite dumped on his head by the way. The big sprite. Then there is the "edgy" ass hole who never showers, VOMIT, this guy smells like he uses unflushed used toilet water as mouthwash and deodorant. He smells like he has sex over and over again with multiple stoopid people and never cleans himself but people keep having sex with him cause he is "edgy!" I could go on and on but I digress, I miss my friends in Iowa City, and can't wait to get out of Des Moines, or start carrying Lysol.

To Drag or Not To Drag...

I have been torn for some time now about whether to start performing in drag. I love Drag, Drag Shows, Drag Hair, Drag Make-Up, and Dragging a cady bitch down the street. I love music, dancing, and being the center of attention. So what is stopping me? Aside from having to hire a team of three to get me in shape and duct tape my bitch tits in place, let me tell you. Being a gay man in his 30s I have struggled with both of the "am I too old" and "am I too fat" syndromes. When I guess all it boils down to is "am I too scared?" and all my own insecurities, or the fact that i have more hair than Robin Williams. I am not sure if I'm scared of putting my self out there for everyone to notice, or if I'm scared of failure, maybe its the razor burn. I could give two tits about what my parents or family think, and believe me I have a great rack, I was over my fam years ago. People already think the worst of me anyways, I am the unreliable party friend, if that is all I am good for anyways. What's one more thing for them to judge me about. Hmmm, fuck that bitch, I am fun, I love to be fun, and have fun. I guess its time to drink a little courage, get my ass in gear and buy a team of midgets for a pit crew and a team of Asian children to sew me a dress, cause mama is comin out to play!!

Where to begin?

Ungh, can I say a few words before I actually start blogging, because I have so much to say. I use this as a tool to relieve my stress and anxiety about everything in my life. I honestly don't give two schitts about the warden, selfish bitches, crazy stalkers, or under-sexed dicks. Typically anyone who has pushed me over the edge (believe me there are plenty). I hope that my blogs can help others in similar situations realize that they are not alone out there. That people who take on the stress of all those around them, and say nothing to anyone when their feeling are hurt can still have a laugh at the expense of others, and not feel bad about it, but better than that not get caught doing it...LOL!!